Our family had an important decision to make this week. For the first time in a long time, I struggled to connect with what felt good and right for me and my family.
Despite the challenge, there were nuggets of goodness in this process. One was the reminder of my continuous evolution. I realized the uncomfortable sensations and feelings that accompanied this process, while distantly familiar, are no longer an everyday thing. For me, the “Big D” feelings that understandably come with Big D (or seemingly life-altering) decisions plagued me even with inconsequential decisions. Another nugget of goodness was the opportunity to take a coaching approach with myself. After some time spinning my proverbial wheels, I remembered that I can offer this gift to myself, too.
The truth is that decision-making is not often as simple as making a list of pros and cons and comparing those lists. Most of our decisions are made in our bodies and in our hearts well before we’re conscious of them in our minds. Through coaching (and other approaches) we can connect with these parts of ourselves and cultivate less struggle and more ease. While struggling with an important decision is a normal human experience, chronic indecisiveness can be a trauma adaptation that asks for deeper healing and support.
Questions to Consider
Choosing between two less-than-ideal options or even between two incredible options can leave us feeling uncomfortable and unsure. It’s where we often hear ourselves thinking and saying “I don’t know.” And, yet, we do know. We’re just not aware of it yet. Here are a some ways to connect with that knowing…
What’s Missing?
Sometimes, the biggest obstacle blocking a clear decision is a lack of information. What, if anything, is unclear about either of your options? What information would make the decision a “no-brainer?” When I was struggling last week, I realized there were too many unknowns to be clear within myself. I first needed to get some questions answered. Until I could get that missing information, I paused (and saved precious mental and physical energy).
What Resonates?
Another step in my process is getting out of my mind and into my body. Feeling into each option, visualizing and connecting with the sensations that arise in my body when I imagine living in and trying on the choices provides me with invaluable guidance. Noticing how each option resonates and vibrates in the body is one of my favorite practices.
What Feels Most Important?
I always revisit this question: What do I want or need that is most important right now? When the list of pros and cons is long on both sides, connecting in with what’s most important to you offers direction. There may be many things to take into consideration, AND connecting with and prioritizing values always clarifies where to go.
What’s the Empowering Perspective?
The truth is, choosing between two so-so choices may never feel totally “right.” But in most situations, the choice we make does not signal the end. It signals a beginning. When I remember that I can change my mind, I feel more empowered to choose. Even if the same options aren’t available in the future, there will be options if the choice no longer fits.
What’s the Motivation?
Fear is a strong driver, especially in our current climate. Love and hope are stronger. The decisions we make in fear are rarely congruent with our truth. While they may give us a temporary sense of safety, it doesn’t last. Consider: What feels expansive, life-affirming or nourishing? What would Hope do?
Your Experience
What comes up for you when you consider these questions? I’d love to hear about your practice and your experience. Or drop a question in the comments…your question might help someone else, too!
