The a-ha moment arrived in my one-bedroom, north campus apartment with no inciting incident to mark its significance in my life. There was a day, maybe after class and some solitary homework, journaling, and listening to Wayne Dyer on CD, that I felt something shift in my body and in my thoughts.
I remember marveling to myself, “I don’t know how to BE without this dis-ease.”
I didn’t know myself without it, and it struck me how I’d become comfortable with and committed to the me that identified with brokenness and dis-ease. And I knew then that I could get comfortable with and committed to a me that identified with wholeness and ease, too.
It felt like I’d discovered something monumental and simultaneously quite obvious. It’s like when you’ve known only one way to do a thing your entire life (chopping onions comes to mind), and when someone teaches you a new way your mind is blown by the obviousness of it.
How could I not have known this about myself?
This self-realization catalyzed a remarkable shift for me and my relationship with my body. It would be oversimplifying it to say this was THE turning point in my healing, but it was ONE turning point. This is a moment I revisit, because, for the first time, I met and connected in with a part of me that could experience wholeness now, unconditionally, rather than if or when some condition was met.
As a result I could, more and more, witness and befriend the part of me that I’d unconsciously allowed to orchestrate my life—the part that believed I was not OK.