I’m still learning how and what to share.
I post on Instagram and this blog often, and I want you to know that I’m still learning how and what to share. I sometimes feel conflicted about what I put out there, because I am offering a service to women, and I recognize that professional boundaries are important. And, at the same time, I think it’s important for women to know that I’m in the ring getting my healing ass kicked, too (thank you, Brené Brown for the verbage). What I don’t want to do is sanitize my experience—I don’t want it to look like I’ve got it all figured out or that I’ve reached some high place on a healing pedestal. I was inspired, once again, by a woman on Instagram, Layla F. Saad, who spoke about not sanitizing her experience, and I so appreciated her sentiments. I share my story with boundaries, and (see above) I’m still learning how to stretch those boundaries in ways that reflect the truth of my story and my healing so that people see the whole me. One of the comments I most often get about my website is that it’s pretty, and while I appreciate positive feedback, I cringe just a little at those words. Healing and evolving isn’t often pretty, even when we can zoom out and see the beauty in the challenge of it all. I’m aware that people will often see what they want to see, but I want you to know that if all you see is pretty or me having it all figured out, I want to assure you that I’m messy and I’m still learning, too. I am both/and. I am whole and I am still healing. I am more self-loving, self-trusting, and self-expressive than I’ve ever been, and that’s taken years of facing the messy, including my fears of being disliked or rejected, beliefs about not being enough, and a deep lack of trust in myself. I’m not always navigating the journey with grace, but I am always engaged in the journey.